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Cynic Meets Sunshine Podcast
Join us, Andre and Tanisha, a married couple of 26 years, as we share practical advice, honest stories, and plenty of laughs about building a strong and fulfilling relationship. With five kids, three grandkids, and nearly three decades of ups and downs, we’ve learned a lot about love, life, and weathering storms together. Tune in for real talk, relatable insights, and actionable tips to strengthen your own relationships—because nobody’s perfect, but together, we can all get better.
Cynic Meets Sunshine Podcast
Dating Dilemmas: Finding Love in the Swipe Left Generation and Navigating Dating at Every Age
What happens after you've "won" someone's heart? Do you stop trying, or continue to show up as your best self? In this candid conversation, we explore the dating journey at every stage of life—whether you're married and need to reignite the spark, newly single, or navigating romance in your 40s and 50s.
We tackle the curious phenomenon of the "post-breakup glow-up." Why do so many people wait until after a relationship ends to invest in themselves? As we pointedly observe: "If you had put all that effort into your relationship, you possibly wouldn't be having a post-breakup makeover." For married couples, we share practical ways to continue dating your spouse amid bills, kids, and responsibilities—because those intentional connections are what keep love thriving decades later.
Modern dating gets a reality check as we examine how dating apps have turned finding love into something resembling online shopping. We challenge listeners to "scrub their lists" of superficial requirements and focus instead on character traits and values. Those rigid height requirements or shoe preferences? They might be causing you to swipe left on someone amazing.
For those dating later in life, we celebrate the confidence that comes with age while acknowledging the challenges of blending established lives. Our advice? Be unapologetically yourself, but don't rush the connection just because you feel time is limited.
Throughout the episode, one truth remains central: anything great requires effort. Love isn't just a feeling—it's a choice you make every day. Ready to transform your approach to dating and relationships? This episode offers the perspective shift you've been searching for.
Welcome everybody. Welcome back to Cynic Meets Sunshine. We're your hosts. I'm Andre, and this is my beautiful wife, tanisha. Hey guys, been a little bit since we talked to you guys. Actually, that's not true. We talked to y'all last week. This episode today is going to be about.
Tanisha:Dating.
Andre:Dating this episode today is gonna be about dating, dating, but not just dating your spouse, right, which is very important to us and we've mentioned before, yes, how dating your spouse can save your marriage right but it's gonna be discussing dating your spouse.
Tanisha:It's gonna be for those people who are just dating in 2025 and it's going to be for people who are dating at our age, like later in life 40s, 50s. We had some friends of ours like reach out. Let us know some of the content you guys wanted to hear and these were some of the subjects that were messaged to us.
Tanisha:So before marriage, before marriage and then just kind of navigating it later in life. Okay, yeah, for those people who maybe are divorced or had been single for many years, I I think it presents some unique challenges.
Andre:Well, let's get into it. We don't have a lot of time today, so let's go into the first question I have for you. What does dating your spouse look like after decades of bills, kids, chaos in general?
Tanisha:So at this point it's like we know you've fallen in love with someone. You had all these feelings and butterflies and all those things like you get in the beginning of a relationship Years of marriage, bills, kids, life, responsibilities, realities. At this point, love in your relationship is not just a feeling anymore. You love this person, but it is also a choice. It's something that you have to actively choose and actively invest in. So dating your spouse is one of those ways that you are choosing love and you're choosing to show them that they're a priority and that investing time to them, despite this busy life that we have, is important. So it looks a little different than maybe when you're first getting with somebody, but it needs to be scheduled, it needs to be intentional. Maybe you have like a date night every week so that you don't get overwhelmed by life's busyness, but you have this time carved out for each other.
Andre:It definitely looks different, but it shouldn't be different. I mean, I'm still courting you, you're still courting me, I've won you over, but that's not the prize, that's not the finish line there should be a continual journey that we go on where? We're never ending where we're dating each other, where we're falling in love, where we're staying in love, where we're reconnecting, just yeah.
Tanisha:I was telling Andre how I still get excited to go out with him and you know, it. It gives me a reason to get dressed up for him, or you know? You know I still want to impress you. I like doing those kind of things. You know, because I love you. We started talking about how sometimes people let themselves go in relationships.
Andre:Why do you think people stop putting in effort once they've got the person?
Tanisha:Why do people stop putting in effort once they've got the person? Why do people stop putting in effort? We saw, like some things on TV, like revenge, body things, where people will go crazy fixing themselves up, changing their body, their makeup, their hair. All these things that they didn't do during their relationship or maybe they did in the dating phase.
Tanisha:That's what it is Right to attract their wife to attract their husband, and then they get in this nice, comfortable state of relationship where you get nice and comfy with the person and, as you should be, you can be your complete, authentic self. But why do people sometimes choose not to put an effort to still take care?
Andre:of themselves. And it's not just women, it's men as well. They'll gain the 15 relationship pounds.
Tanisha:Yeah, and all of a sudden they don't smell nice anymore.
Andre:They're not putting the effort that they put in initially. I think a lot of it is laziness, is just being comfortable. Like I said, I've reached the finish line, I won the prize and it should not be looked at like that. I think it should be looked at. This is a journey, it's a continual journey. It's not a sprint, it's not even a marathon. It's like a lifelong marathon. It's like a lifelong marathon. I think that's one of the reasons. But that is my pet peeve. I mostly see it from the women. When I see a woman in a breakup or preparing for a divorce, the end is in sight and they go all about the glow up 100%. They've changed everything, they've got back in the gym, they got a trainer, they lost 30 pounds, and I can never stop thinking why didn't you put that effort in during the relationship If there were problems? Not to say that that would have fixed it Right, but maybe maybe it would have, maybe it would have helped things along.
Tanisha:Maybe he would have said hmm, and still paying attention and seeing each other. So yes and no with that, because it's like also, it's like not to sound shallow or superficial and not to say that being sexy can save your marriage, because there's so much more that goes into it but if you have completely lost your sexy in your relationship and that's something that you used to have.
Tanisha:You know, your partner is also a visual being, is also a sexual being, so it is like very important, I think, to still care about your appearance for your partner and not to give up, and I'm just simply saying your relationship shouldn't be shallow and it shouldn't be superficial.
Andre:However, that outer box plays a role if we're being real here, yeah, yeah, if we're being real here, and this is probably something that lots of women are not going to want to- hear, right, it's going to be controversial. Well, I need to. I'm sick, I have the flu. I've got kids. I shouldn't have to feel like you know, I'm running around with the kids, getting them, you know, getting the house in order, and then my man's coming home, so let me just throw on some makeup and high heels, and that's not what we're saying.
Tanisha:That's not at all. That's not at all what we're saying. So I'm glad you said that, because it's like let's keep it realistic, right Like I've got kids, I've got things to do. I can't be, you know, just on 10, 24, 7.
Tanisha:If I'm sick, andre sees me at my worst and loves me. He sees me at my best and loves me, and that's what a relationship should be. And because of that love that he shows me, it makes me want to be my best for you and it makes me want to be my best for you and it makes me want to have times to dress up and impress you. So we're not saying that you have to be on and on 124-7.
Andre:All the time.
Tanisha:And we're not saying it's not okay to gain 15 pounds in a relationship. I birthed five of your children, life happens and I'm not going to look exactly the same necessarily, and that's okay. You still take the best of yourself currently and you constantly work on being healthy, you know being hygienic, you know be I'm saying this because I literally, I literally heard of people like they're not showering.
Andre:There's no more perfume it's like we're not brushing our teeth right before bed. That means they've given up. You know they're putting absolutely no effort in if they're not even doing those general things so we thought we would.
Tanisha:You know, even though we said today's subject was about dating, we thought we would talk a little bit about this and about keeping yourself up that's part of dating, because, guess what, dating isn't only a.
Andre:It's friday night. Let's, let's get dressed up and go out. I'm dating you if you and I are having coffee on the island in the kitchen and no one's home, and we get to just sit for 20, 30 minutes and just conversate about our lives, our feelings, our relationship, things that are going on in our life. That's dating. It's not, but it is. You know what I mean? It's spending time, quality time, and getting to know each other and connecting. So that's what I think that's part of dating, right? I agree?
Tanisha:I agree. I agree, dating doesn't always have to be this extravagant thing Just like we've referred to, like our gym dates. It's time that Andre and I have non-negotiable like we don't have other people jump in on it anything. It's like our time and it's a bonding time for us. It's time where we're playful with each other, we are touchy, feely, we're big on PDA. It's like that's a time where we just get to kind of honestly.
Tanisha:It's like even a a type of foreplay for us, right, because we're being loving and playful with each other and just getting in a good mood together, getting away from all like the day-to-day is date night enough, or is that?
Andre:can that become just a check in the box? Should there be more to it, then there should.
Tanisha:So date night. So, yes, you plan it. And just a check in the box Should there be more to it than there should. So date night. So, yes, you plan it and you have the check the box, date night. But date night should be intentional. You take some time, some thought about what you're going to wear on date night right, I'm trying to dress up and be cute for you.
Tanisha:You take some time to be intentional about seeing your partner. This is like something that seems so normal, but I honestly think there's a lot of times I'm guilty of it too, like day to day, when our life is just busy. I'm talking past you, like I'm saying things that need to be said, but I'm not really looking at you, focusing on you and seeing you, like I'm over here and I'm telling you something.
Tanisha:I think on a date night, you need to be so intentional to see that person Like I'm telling you something. I think on a date night, you need to be so intentional to see that person Like I'm looking at you when you were talking to me and I'm seeing you and I'm studying you and I'm like this is my person. Those are times to really invest, connect and pay attention to who your person is, who they're evolving into. You know like I want to know all of these different versions and and and things about Andre.
Andre:So I want to say one thing, as we're saying date night and I'm listening to what you just said those things need to happen outside of date night. Forget date night. The things you just mentioned are things that you should do on a regular day-to-day. I think far too often you're talking past me or you're talking to me and I'm busy doing work and I'm half listening. So not just in date night should you take set aside time to not do that and concentrate on your person and listen and connect. You should do that just throughout the day.
Andre:So your time with your partner should be intentional.
Tanisha:Yeah, I think most of us who are in relationships, marriages, families are guilty of routine and we know what we've got to do. Each day We've got a schedule every day with our children and everything, so it's very, very simple to just get caught up in that day to day.
Tanisha:So being intentional in a relationship is choosing love. I choose to have our love not fade, not separate, not create gaps. And because that is my choice, I'm going to choose to pay attention to you, to continue to try and keep myself up for you, to see what your needs are, check in on you and to make sure that not too much time goes by without date nights, things like that. You know those are, those are ways that we're choosing love and choosing to show up for each other.
Andre:So question why is it that people I'm going to say people, but I really mean women wait until the relationship is over to make a change? Okay, first of all, I am going to stop you because I personally have a friend who was going through divorce.
Tanisha:Okay. And her husband soon to be ex-husband started with the whole glow up before he's going to start dating. Oh so you're saying it's not just women, so it is not just women Maybe you know on like Revenge Body and these shows we see that more often. But in these shows we see that more often. But this is men that also will let themselves go in relationships. You know, get the dad bod.
Tanisha:You know there's six pack of beer every day and it's like this is not the man that she married right he's not paying attention to all those things, and then I've seen them work on the glow up, so I'll answer your question but I do think it's men also. But my my answer to your question why they do it afterwards we know what it of. They know they're about to be back in the dating pool, back on that market, and they have to impress someone, right? Yes.
Tanisha:So, for whatever reason, they felt they didn't need to impress their spouse anymore. They didn't need to be anything extra for them. Their partner was getting the leftover. Whatever they had energy for, they weren't investing okay.
Andre:Or they were at one point and it wasn't reciprocated, okay.
Tanisha:And now they're getting back out there. The relationship didn't work and they know, okay, it's probably not going to fly, that I go out here and I don't brush my hair anymore and I don't do this or that.
Tanisha:So, it's time to pull it together. Like, oh damn, I haven't been to the gym in like six months. You know, maybe I need to go, like get healthy and start walking, and you know, so I. That's why I think it happened. My theory on why it happens in the first place there are many reasons. Right, we had a baby, we have things going on, we're too busy.
Tanisha:But I think if you are in a relationship where your wife or your husband has let themselves go I am so big lately on self-evaluation Evaluate yourself. Are you a partner that is, like, overly critical to her? You know, are you constantly criticizing? Do you belittle? Do you see her? Do you uplift her? Are you kind to her? Does she feel like a priority? Because, as a woman, we will show up for you. Speaking for women, from my behalf, we will show up for you. I will go to the ends of this earth for you, because you protect me, you prioritize me above everything. You show me how I matter to you and because of that, I have this endless desire to show up for you.
Tanisha:Okay, but in these instances where you might have a partner who is letting themselves go, you're not dating the way you used to. Things aren't what they are. Definitely self-evaluate and are you being a person that she needs and she feels safe with? Because if you have been overly critical, like I was saying, and if you're not prioritizing her and she doesn't feel like top priority in your life or feel important to you, it's highly likely that she's resentful and she doesn't feel like putting in that energy. Okay, I can see that, because it's. Why will I give, give, give to someone who's showing me I'm this important? Definitely, self-evaluation. Make sure that you are creating a space where your partner feels important and has the desire to keep themselves up for you, and that goes for men and women alike, I think honestly, if you see there's a problem, try checking yourself first, okay, and then, like we said, dating is so important.
Tanisha:Plan some dates, give her a reason to dress up. Plan some dates Give him a reason to smell nice and go out with you, open the door, do all of those things. Speaking of planning dates, I have this one Not dusting, not dusting, not dusting it off the Christmas one.
Andre:We got this for Valentine's Day 52 fun things to do on a date night, so I think we use maybe two of these go out to an arcade and challenge each other to a playoff, and then you put the date completely yeah, yeah, I don't remember when we have this one scratch off date adventures.
Tanisha:So this was valentine's too, and you know what was funny about this? I think you got this from me and we were totally on the same page.
Andre:Fun ideas to give you some ideas on things you can do for date night. So take some of the pain out of it, out of trying to think of something.
Tanisha:Yeah, it doesn't always have to be like let's go to dinner, let's go to a movie. I love that. Go to an arcade and challenge your partner to a playoff.
Andre:Like how funny would that be?
Tanisha:lots of little things that you wouldn't think of just on your own, like, yeah, this would be fun, let's try it out. And then adventure. Yeah, you know how we love adventures when we're not prepping one thing that we, we love pizza. So we were like, okay, once a week we're gonna try a brand new pizza spot in our city that we've never tried and like kind of hop around and check out all the spots.
Andre:Yeah you know where, know where that started from Going to different spots for competitions.
Tanisha:And trying their food in different cities, and then trying their food and be like oh, do we not have a place like this in San Antonio?
Andre:Yeah?
Tanisha:Those are fun date night ideas, yeah, but we also kind of wanted to touch on the challenges of dating for people who are single.
Andre:Or if I didn't put the effort in and I got a divorce.
Tanisha:I'm back in the pool.
Andre:And I've done my glow up and I'm ready to go and I'm on the market. This is a different day and age, for sure, and for people like us. God forbid, I died or you died, and then I took my six or seven years to mourn and then I went out in the dating pool. I can only imagine how different it is out here. We hear all the time from our friends yeah, it's rough out there, it's rough out there and then we just joke.
Tanisha:But yeah, it's a different day and age it is yeah, it is that we didn't even have social media when you and I were dating. We literally met each other first thing in person. So there was no catfishing. There's no, yeah, filtered photo of me, like you saw me as I was. I saw you as you were. We knew exactly what we were getting into. We weren't even looking for anyone.
Tanisha:It happened that we and I were both specifically not looking for someone, not trying to get so funny and honestly, it feels like some of the best things in life happen when you're least expecting it or not looking for it. Sometimes, when we're looking so hard, it can turn more into a task, less fun and kind of mess with the process.
Andre:Do you think dating today, in this day and age, is more like shopping than it is looking for love?
Tanisha:So I definitely think it's a lot like shopping, because the highest percentage of dating and meeting a partner is online now, like dating apps, speed dates, but social media even so. Yeah, it is kind of like online shopping, like you're looking initially for a look right. Maybe something that you're attracted to or similar interests that you guys have and you're matching, or whatever.
Tanisha:So you're trying to see if they fit all of your lists it is a lot like shopping but, as a lot of you know, like my Amazon peeps, if I didn't read the reviews and I'm shopping, I a lot of times get something that I didn't expect, because things can be falsely advertised.
Andre:They've coined it the swipe left, generation Right, and that comes from just the dating, not just Tinder but the dating apps in general where people quickly pass up people looking for, not really taking the time to get to know someone, but just swipe left. And even in relationships'm getting. I'm dating someone for a little bit. I don't have time. Swipe left.
Tanisha:There's somebody else out there, yeah you're chewing annoys me or whatever, I think the attention span of people these days because of social media is like yeah, so short, you don't give things enough time. Where we used to like go out with the person a couple times, see how we feel. I do feel like people are very much like swipe left and I think what you're doing is a lot of people are weeding out such a large amount of really great possibilities. They could have some superficial issue or something that you're making greater than it should be and missing out on something really for sure really good now.
Tanisha:I think the benefit um of dating in this day and age is the access that you guys have to the internet and to dating apps, because it really widens the net that you're casting and it's like you get you know, to see people from all over the place. Maybe you're willing to have an out of town relationship and it's someone you wouldn't normally meet in your city.
Andre:So let me ask you a question about that. Can you think about the times we went to a restaurant and we've got the menu and there were just so much on the menu and we're like, I don't know, you're just kind of, you're just so many options.
Tanisha:Yeah, that's true. I don't know what to do. Narrow it down.
Andre:I want to go to that place that just does hamburgers good, and then I Is there such thing as too many options.
Tanisha:There is that. I mean, it's possible that you're just if there's it's not so much that there's too many options, it's that it maybe affects your judgment because there's so many options, you're not paying attention fully to all that's presented to you, because it's just too much. That brings me to dating lists. Guys, girls, if you have your lists of requirements, I'm really going to suggest that you knock a few of them off right away, like my girls who have the requirement that your man be six foot and you're like five one, like me, or something it like. Is it really necessary? Do you know how many amazing?
Tanisha:men, you are kicking immediately out of the the option there because you need someone. Six foot because why? It just blows my mind some of the lists that I see that women have that are like non-negotiable for them that in their mind. This is the man for them and he has to be X, y and Z.
Tanisha:I just think it's unrealistic and you are limiting yourself to something really amazing. So my advice for those of you dating men and women alike if you are a guy and on your list, she must be in the gym and like a muscle mommy, maybe, check that. Maybe she just should be healthy and then that's something you guys can work on together, because you're also really limiting yourself if she has to be in this small percentage of women Very small niche.
Tanisha:Because I didn't even get in the gym when Andre met me. I didn't even know what the inside of the gym really looked like, and then that's a hobby that we ended up developing together. I think the first thing you should do this day and age dating is really check those lists.
Andre:Scrub the list. Scrub the list. Determine what really needs to be on the list.
Tanisha:There's a few core things Values, character yes, you know these things pay attention to.
Andre:Those are the important things.
Tanisha:Yes, character traits, I mean right away. I knew your character. Yes, immediately, when you're like checking on me. He's offering to pay for my gas to come visit him. He's offering, and not that. I needed any of these things not that I needed any of these things, but he was always trying to care for me and always trying to, you know, make sure I was good.
Tanisha:Those things you'll notice right away, Not not that I even would accept it at first, because I was very independent. Yeah, yeah, but you know, those are the things you want to pay attention to Somebody's character and you don't want to pass up people too quick, right, but you do want to pay attention to red flags.
Andre:Physically abusive or anything. Any traits that lead you to believe it could lead down that road. Emotional abuse Any of the bad character traits Possessive, Jealous. There we go. Yes, Red flag ladies. All of those personality traits, red flag.
Tanisha:I think jealousy in relationships to a degree is normal to a small degree. Pay attention to those guys and girls who are very possessive and jealous, that usually goes left quickly.
Andre:I'm trying to teach the kids about that when we're watching shows.
Tanisha:Isolation right. See that when they start to don't want you around your friends, things like that yeah. It's not a good sign.
Andre:As you're mentioning the list and how this generation is kind of normalized, just real quick swipe left. The thing that comes to mind is that show that I love you. Never watch it with me. Pop the Balloon, yes.
Tanisha:That is so annoying to me.
Andre:I love watching it because it's funny, but it's not if you really think about it. Sad In the context of what we're talking about here today. It is sad, yeah, because far too often I see a nice, a really nice guy that everyone's just popping Because, guess what, he didn't meet this. I didn't like his eyebrows, I didn't like his shoes, like, are you serious? Are you serious? So it's it's, I don't know, it's just sad, yeah, no, it's definitely sad.
Tanisha:I think that a lot of times we are missing out on something so great, because this is also a superficial age it's like, especially, I feel like, with social media.
Tanisha:I think that's one of the curses yeah because it just presents like this perfect looking man, this perfect looking woman, and so you have this idea in your mind of what your person needs to be and really you need a person that you can, of course, be physically attracted to. Right, physical attraction first. But trust me, if you get a guy who is cute and he's maybe not six foot, maybe he is literally five, seven, okay, you might have this guy who ends up just being something so amazing. Maybe he's wearing crappy shoes.
Tanisha:That doesn't mean listen to me this doesn not mean that he's broke. This doesn't mean he's not ambitious. It means he doesn't care about his shoes that much, and that's okay, because he probably cares about some other really amazing things.
Andre:That are important. That are important. I know people making six figures with crappy shoes because they just don't care, that's not important to them, they just don't care, they're doing real things.
Tanisha:They're going on real trips. They're living real life and having a good time, so just don't limit yourself with these lists?
Andre:Yeah, that's what I'm hearing. Don't limit yourself with your list. Scrub your list if you have them. We're not saying it's bad to have lists Everyone should have a list but make sure the important things are on the list.
Tanisha:Right, yeah, scrub the lists for the most part, because actually, as you're saying that, I'm thinking of a couple of things that should be on the list, like what Things that should be on the list? Like we said, core values, right, yes, the character of the person, yes. But you know what else should be on the list is your own personal life experience from previous relationships, things you've learned, things you want You've kind of recognized. In my previous relationship, this didn't work out for me because I was dating a person who was very X, y or Z, or this didn't work out for me because I was very possessive or I was like this Whatever your takeaways were from your previous relationship, insert that into your list of things that you're paying attention to now so you don't get caught up in repeating patterns and attracting the same type of woman or man over and over.
Tanisha:So, let your list include lessons. Yeah, I like that. Main thing I want you to take is lessons from previous relationships, things that you've learned about yourself because you're now more self-aware of the type of person you choose. That was maybe toxic previously, or maybe even you being toxic. What have you done to improve yourself so you can be good in a relationship not just your list of what you require from them. What are some standards you have for yourself so you can be a good partner to?
Andre:that person. How is it different for us people that are in their 40s or 50s?
Tanisha:When I think of dating in your 40s and 50s for myself, because I have not dated since I was like a kid. I mean I don't have a ton of experience here or any experience, but what I will say I mean like being in the dating pool, but what I would think because of myself as a 46 year old woman. I think this is a benefit of dating at our age. I am so much more comfortable with who I am as a person.
Tanisha:Yeah, I am so much more confident and comfortable in my skin, taking that into dating in your 40s and not being this insecure 20-year-old who's figuring life out. I mean, I could go into that with such a different level of confidence. So for my men and my women who are at a later stage in life dating, this is a time to step out and be unapologetically yourself. Go into a relationship knowing exactly who you are and what you have to offer, and just really standing in your truth and who you are. It's like you know I've pretty much blossomed into this person.
Andre:This is who I am.
Tanisha:I'm not going to play any games. It's like take it or leave it, love it, but also that's a benefit, right? Yes, I think one of the hard parts of being our age and being single is sometimes you can be extremely independent and really value being alone to an extent, right and then you get with someone else and you have to be interdependent and you have to be able to maybe relinquish some of that independence and be a little softer and mesh.
Tanisha:So be aware of that as well. If you're dating at our age and let someone in, I don't have anything. You have nothing.
Andre:I just I would, I'd give up.
Tanisha:Well, listen, do not, do not, because you could be with your partner, like living your best life next summer on the beach together, whatever don't give up. I do have some more advice, though I do feel. One of the hard parts about dating at our age is you can feel like you don't have a ton of time.
Andre:You don't have a ton of time, right, so things can feel a little bit rushed.
Tanisha:Yes, I want to encourage you to keep it light when you first meet someone and you are dating on date one. Don't get too heavy, because you're trying to fast track things.
Andre:So I shouldn't be asking you what your blood type is. Yeah, let's chill.
Tanisha:Let's chill, let's really allow yourself to date and have fun, even though if you're in your 40s, your 50s and you are feeling a little up against the clock Rushed. Have a few dates with this person and let it be light so that that person doesn't feel that you're a red flag or overwhelmed by the heaviness of the conversation. Have some fun. Have some overwhelmed by the heaviness of the conversation. Have some fun. Have some laughter.
Speaker 2:Get to know them as a person and don't press very important issues out the gate.
Tanisha:Naturally get to know this person and you can ask basic questions.
Andre:The clock is ticking, but you're saying, don't yeah, but you've got three weeks.
Tanisha:I mean, if you don't, I'm sorry. But you've got three weeks to go on a few dates and get to know them, before you just scare them out the gate. Because if somebody came to me too heavy, it's like listen okay, I'm being very mindful of things at my age and I'm paying attention and if you are coming out the gate that strong, it's a little scary.
Andre:That's a no for me.
Tanisha:So that's some advice I have for people our age. And also, you're dealing with some different challenges, because the majority of times when you are dating in your 40s and 50s, I'm going to guess that these are people who are divorced previously married.
Andre:Or damaged goods.
Tanisha:Or they have children you know so these for some people can be a challenge. Yeah, so dating people who have children If if they're our age, maybe they have grown children yes and their opinion matters, or they're opinionated about who their parent did. I'm, you know, I love some 90-day fiance and I'm watching that happen right now, where the child is just overly all in it yeah, concerned about and, you know, being concerned for your parent is normal, but overly in it.
Tanisha:So those, I feel, are some challenges that you might face dating anytime, but in your 40s and 50s probably more often, you're dealing with someone who has a previous relationship previously married and it's maybe a little bit more drama to have to deal with. So those are things to keep in mind. I think dating 40s and 50s previously married and it's maybe a little bit more drama to have to deal with you know.
Andre:So those are things to keep in mind.
Tanisha:I think dating 40s and 50s remind yourself to give yourself grace and to give your partner grace. They have already lived a good chunk of life, as have we, and so you have to date a little bit more delicately I think that's about all we have on dating. Yeah, I mean, we're obviously not like dating experts.
Andre:This is my opinion.
Tanisha:I mean, we date a lot, we date each other yeah we date each other, but being out there in the dating pool right now. We're just going to kind of give you our perspective and our advice on doing it in the healthiest way you can possible. But again, we're not experts there, so we wish you guys best of luck on that, but we are experts on dating your spouse.
Andre:We encourage you to keep dating your spouse, keep investing in yourself and, if you are finding yourself back in the dating pool, swim smart.
Tanisha:Swim smart y'all. Any final thoughts on keeping yourself up, All of those things if you're putting as much effort in your post-breakup makeover.
Andre:If you had put all of that effort into your relationship, you possibly wouldn't be having a post-breakup makeover. So just think about that, okay.
Tanisha:Think about that, okay. So what I'm hearing is be intentional, put energy and choose to love your partner every day. That choice does take some effort, yeah. Right, it definitely takes a lot of effort. My son actually this morning was telling me that anything If you can get it right, wait. What did he say? He said anything great, yes, anything, wait. What did he say? He said anything great is not achieved by taking the easy path.
Tanisha:Nothing great is achieved by taking the easy path, so I mean we can just have mediocrity, just the easy way, just doing nothing, but it's like you can have something really really great if you work at it. I think that's it for today. That's all I've got. Short and sweet, short and sweet, I like it. I think that's it for today. That's all I've got. Short and sweet, I like it.
Andre:Next week what are we talking about? I don't know. What do you want to talk about next week?
Tanisha:I think I'd like to touch on relationship health checks next week. Let's check in.
Andre:Let's see if our relationship yes is in a healthy spot. See if we need any attention.
Tanisha:There's any spots that we need to work on?
Andre:But doing it and not coming across in a nagging way, right.
Tanisha:Yeah, definitely, your delivery is important and also not hearing it and being defensive. Yeah.
Andre:All right. Well, that should be fun. All right, all right. Well, until then, see you next time. All right, we Until then, see you next time. All right, we'll see you later. Guys, awesome, y'all, have a good one.
